but still, thank you so much for letting me understand all this although i had to learn it the hard way. because if you i've started to look for hope over the internet and just recently, i found my new hope. GMH, LGMH and sixbillionsecrets. oh and tumblr and formspring too. without you and this painful lesson, i would never have found this page, found my hope and start helping other people who have it less/much worse than my current condition. frankly speaking/typing, if were to come across those sites few years back, i would've thought like "oh, what a cute site!" and that's it. like i wouldn't give a shit to whatever they wrote just because i had my happiness, i had all that i needed. but now, everything's gone. i'm losing hope and these things have helped me go through the past few months with not a forced smile, but a real smile. even though i'm still facing so much troubles, i can at least stand on my own two feet and struggling to get over each day with a smile and trying real hard to put the past behind me. people might think i'm fine but truth is, i'm not. i'm still facing problems and worries everyday, and guess what? my next big worry will be in two days. i'm still wondering how to face that problem on thursday. but like what i've said, whatever comes my way, i'll do it with a smile. even if there isn't any smile, i'd still do it no matter what. and i will be strong. so, thank you.
p/s: you should be proud that you've been such a big influence in my life. even though i still blame you sometimes for leaving me this way, i want to thank you too.