goodbye 2010 and hello 2011.

it's been a really short year this year. like seriously very short. to be honest, i felt that time went by way too quick. it's like time went on full speed and zoomed past in just a blink of an eye. i guess maybe it's because so much have happened this year that i kinda lost track of time. from leaving high school to getting my first job, to entering university, to having so many assignments to rush, to exams, to having fun, and to ending it all with a wide smile on my face. and i really thank God for this year as it's been one of the toughest and also best years of my life. there have been countless times of happiness, arguments and disappointments throughout the entire year but that's what it takes to make a memorable year. everything that's happened, i shall remember it all. to the many wonderful people that i met this year, thank you for everything. each and every one of you gave me a something special, something i'll never forget, even in the years to come. and when i'm older, i can sit down and have something great to reminisce about. so before the clock strikes twelve, i want to say something:

to everyone i know, i am truly sorry for the things i've done and the words i've said that might have hurt or offended you this year. 2011 means a new beginning for everyone so let's forget the bad and start making new memories. oh and have a blessed new year as well. may what you see in the mirror delight you, and what others see in you delight them. :) ♥

wedding. shopping.

it's been a very long day. it was one of my relative's wedding and we were all busy the entire day. well sort of. lol it began with daddy being the driver for the day. which also means that i have to be the driver as well since daddy will be driving the bride and groom from day until night. i was driving mummy and my sister the whole day too. but it was fun cause in the morning, when my dad had to go and pick the groom and drive him to the bride's house, i was also following the wedding car from behind along with the groom's six other "brothers". it was a great experience for me as this is usually done by guys only, not girls. so i was literally busy the entire morning. from the groom's house all the way to the bride's house, then headed downtown to church and back home. did i mention that the bride lived near campus? it was right behind dps area and wedding cars are supposed to be driving slowly so we took a very long time to reach the church from the bride's house. lol good thing we didn't have any thing going on in the afternoon. then it was wedding dinner at night. we reached the place at 6pm and were the first ones there. the dinner was at Imperial and all i can say is the place was friggen cold. seriously. good thing is that the airconds are working just fine but it's just too cold. i wonder how the skinny girls wearing strapless dresses could ever stand the cold. i salute to them. rofl

so in the afternoon, we(excluding daddy cause he was still busy sending the bride and groom to idk where) decided to go to Boulevard to do some new year shopping. *an advantage for not working XD* we were at the ladies department when i saw Albert walking around. and new year songs were playing everywhere. all these reminded me of the time when i was working at the pesta. one whole month of new year songs and all the memories i had with my colleagues. then i thought, i worked there in january and it's gonna be january again in two days time! wtheck? time is going by very very fast man. like seriously, don't you think it's a little too fast? can't believe that it's been a year since i worked there. eeeek. i'm still shocked about it you know. still cannot accept the fact that one year went by just like that. *snaps fingers but fails miserably cause i can't make any sound from snapping* the stuffs that happened this year, like applying for uni, starting uni, ending the first semester, enjoying my sem break, starting the second semester, everything. it's all still clear in my mind. seriously, i went speechless for some time. then i kept telling my mum about how it's already been a year and stuff like that. saw some old colleagues there and said hi. it really brings back the memories.

and the other day, i was talking to siew about how when the new year comes, it will be considered as two years since we left our high school. and it's so scary to even think about it. you know, i'm actually kinda afraid of thinking about the past. i'm afraid that i'll think too much and start crying and all. ah well, its all in the past now. need to be looking forward instead. 2011 is in two days. does everyone have their resolutions ready yet? :D

.

yeah, that's my baby. :)

I feel like people get lost when they think of happiness as a destination. We’re always thinking that someday we’ll be happy. You know, we’ll get that car or that job or that person in our lives that’ll fix everything. But happiness is a mood, and it’s a condition, it’s not a destination. It’s like being tired or hungry; it’s not permanent, it comes and goes, and that’s okay. And I feel like if people thought of it that way, they’d find happiness a lot more often.

- One Tree Hill

growing up.

Growing up ...

When your bestfriend becomes your worst enemy, when lollipops turn into cigarettes, when the innocent ones turn into sluts, when homework goes in the trash, when detention becomes suspension, when soda becomes vodka, when undies turn into g-strings and boxers and when kisses turn into sex. Remember when getting high meant swinging on the playground? When protection meant wearing a helmet? When the worst things you could get from a boy/girl were cooties? When your worst enemies were your siblings? When race issues were who ran the fastest, when war was only a card game, whenthe only drug you knew was cough medicine, when wearing a skirt didn't make you a slut, when the only things that hurt were skinned knees, when goodbyes only meant until tomorrow, and to think we couldn't wait to grow up?

my hair smells nice.

so i went to straighten the upper part of my hair as well as cut my front hair in the afternoon at Michael's. my hair smells so nice that everywhere i turn to sniff, i smell my hair -_____-" and to be honest, i don't really like my front hair. why? because the fringe is too thin. it always has been and there is no way to make it thicker. sad much. and well, hopefully it'll turn out nice after i wash my hair on thursday. *fingers crossed*

you know, now that my hair's straight, i was really hoping to wake up tomorrow morning and realize that i've become super fair so i can go and dye my hair jet black. it'd be awesome. yes, i'm sort of in love with jet black hair on faired skin people at the moment. don't ask me why. i just like it. XD

and like one more thing, as you know, i'm having my "summer" holidays right now, it's already been a month since the holiday started and somehow, about 45 minutes ago, i suddenly had the urge to study. i actually wanted to go get a book and study. lmao i think i've been locked up in my room for way too long. not that i hadn't gone out or anything but still, this shows how bored i am. and since i don't really have any books around, i went to take my economics textbook and put it in front of me. which is also in front of the lappy. so, you think i'm gonna study now?

i actually have movies/tv series to watch but i'm friggen lazy. besides, sitting in front of the lappy all day really makes me ass flat. and i'm lazy to do the house works too. but i've been a good girl lately. i've vacuumed my room like more than three times in the past two weeks. *feeling accomplished* lmao

oh and one thing, wedding dinner on thursday! it's nothing special but i just felt like announcing it to the world. it's been ages since i last attended a wedding dinner and well, i was lucky to be invited to two of them this month(another one was in Brunei last week). and the good thing is that i'm sitting with my relatives/people i know during the dinner so it won't be so you know, awkward.

Christmas ♥

It's the time of the year again to celebrate and rejoice, not because we wake up in the morning to open our presents but because of the birth of our Savior, Lord Jesus Christ. Just like our birthdays, it needs to be celebrated too. And it gotta be a grand one as well because He is our King, our good Lord, and the only person who could love us more than anybody in the universe ever will.

I personally love Christmas a lot because it gives me the opportunity to think about all the blessings I've received throughout the year. Also to reflect on the good and bad things I've done and all that's happened which brought me to where I am today. I admit, I may not have the perfect family, that smile on my face doesn't always mean I'm happy, I do not get straight A's in my studies, we're facing financial problems at home right now, I don't thank my parents enough for bringing me up all these years, and I certainly don't pray as much as I should but I am so grateful for these 8teen years of life. The Lord has never failed to be with me in times of troubles and sadness, He has been with me through thick and thin.

So my Christmas wish this year is simple. I just want everyone in the world to be able to spend this marvelous day with their loved ones, just like how I will be today. The Lord has blessed me with two wonderful parents and a loving sister, and to be honest, it's more than enough. There is nothing more I would wish for.

And to the people who's reading this post right now, I wish you the gift of faith, the blessing of hope and the peace of His love at Christmas and always. May all your days be merry and bright and may your Christmas be white. Blessed Christmas everyone :) ♥

Changes.

Everything is changing. Day by day, we don’t notice it, but just look back over the past year and you will realize everything has. People you thought were going to be there forever aren’t, and people you never imagined you’d be speaking to are now some of your closest friends. Life makes little sense, and older we are the less sense it will make. So make the most of now, before it all changes once again, because in the near future, all that’s left would be memories.

someday.

One morning you’ll wake up and you’ll think, 'how did i get here?'. You'll inhale a long drag of smoke through your lungs, and before you can exhale, pictures from your life pop into your head. Behind each picture lies a story. The first picture you see will make you smile. The image will remind you of a time when you were happy. Actually happy. The kind of happy that makes you jumble your words, the kind of happy that makes your insides twist, the kind of happy that makes you use the word 'forever'. The next image that pops up shows you your lowest low. The kind of low that told you to slit your wrists, the kind of low that makes you pull your hair and scream, the kind of low that never wants to know how long forever is. Then you'll look around you and you won't know whether to laugh or to cry. And you'll think 'I've loved and I've hated'. And you'll realize that you wouldn't have to hate if you never knew love.

Don't Quit

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow.
It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.

Feelings

We change emotions.
We’re happy when something good happens.
we’re sad when something sad happens.
and we’re mad when something bad happens.
Life goes along with these feelings.
We shouldn’t be stopping it, sometimes these feelings are the things that we need to feel.

Lessons in Life

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s okay to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s okay to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over-prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: “In five years, will this matter?”

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

41. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

42. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

45. The best is yet to come.

46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.

49. Yield.

50. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift

:)

I want a guy best friend who gets mistaken as my boyfriend. A guy best friend is everything you need. Another boy who makes your life complete. A boy who I can run to when my girl BFFs aren’t around. He’ll kick my future boyfriend’s arse when he makes me cry. He’ll make me laugh when there’s tears in my eyes. He is immediately my date on special occasions when you’re single. Idk why. But I really need a guy best friend. A real guy best friend.

christmas is coming!

Band Aid - Do They Know It's Christmas? (1984 version)

Band Aid 20 - Do They Know It's Christmas? (2004 version)

this is one of the most touching Christmas songs ever. if you listen to the lyrics and watch the video, especially the 2004 version. the video never fail to make me shed a tear every time i watch it. oh and Christmas is in 17 days! excited much :)

so far this holidays, i've already cleaned 70% of my room, vacuumed my room, spend time with my sister, and waste time. kinda glad about it. at least i have done some stuffs since the holidays started two weeks ago. :) and well, i'll be going up to Brunei next friday for my dad's cousin's wedding. can't wait for that. hopefully it'll be fun fun fun! you know, i'm really hoping Wu Chun would be there but i think it's impossible because he went back to Brunei already recently. sad sad.

anyways, another less than two months to go until it's Chinese New Year! excited much. i wanna go get lots and lots of hong bao :D although some of my family members are not around anymore, i'm still hoping that everyone will still gather and celebrate the new year together, like how we used to do it before. but honestly speaking, i really really wish grandpa, grandma, 4th uncle in law, and my cousin diana were still around. and that everyone else who's not in miri to come back. that way, we can all come together and celebrate. i remember 10 years back, when everyone else was still alive, we would gather at my grandparents' home, which is actually next to my house, and we would be eating dinner together, and later, going outside to put fireworks. ahh, those were the times. somehow, i'm really starting to miss my childhood days so much. *sigh*

ah well, what to do? it's all in the past now. can only look forward. but i seriously do hope Chinese New Year next year would be an awesome one. besides, i heard from my mum that all the church members will be going on a new year gathering to all the church members house on my birthday. it's gonna be a busy birthday for me then next year. lol

winter/summer cleaning!

i cleaned my room today!

well, 70% of it though. but that's good right? i hardly clean my room anyways. well, i do but not so often you know. XD actually it was my mum. she was complaining about how i haven't cleaned my room since i already promised her to do so after the exams. but up until now, i'm still procrastinating and my room is getting messier by the day. so my mum asked me to clean it today since she's at home so she could help. but then she got kinda busy and i cleaned by myself. and you know, my room got LOTS AND LOTS of stuffs. even things that i never knew of or have forgotten about, i suddenly found it today. and it took me like three hours to clean cause i was doing it like in slow motion. why? just because i found lots of old and old-but-i-forgot-about-it-so-it-seems-to-be-new-to-me stuffs so i just sat there and looked at all those things. went through lots of stuffs before i continued cleaning again. LOL halfway through cleaning(which was actually kinda can be considered almost done), my mum came in and i told her i'm almost done and sh told me i could rest already if i felt tired and she went out. so i thought "eh, how come she so nice ask me to rest one?" then i didn't think much and stopped cleaning. who knew that when she came back into my room, she was like "you done already? why your bed still got some stuffs one?". LOL those things are needed bah right now so i didn't clean it up. so i told her she said i could rest so i did and she just shook her head.

but at least i feel sort of accomplished. my room is much cleaner now. more than half of my room is filled with books and papers and just stationeries. besides, i have this habit of keeping those lecture notes and stuffs just because i don't really feel like throwing them away yet. so yeah, my semester one and two stuffs are still here in my room. not to mention my form five school and tuition notes as well. this afternoon after cleaning my room, i brought out four big plastic bags filled with rubbish. and there's still another 30% left unclean. but you know, i doubt that there's still another 30% left because i think there's still more stuffs in the closet which i haven't even touched on yet. :O

i'm gonna clean my room again another day, so people, help me pray that i'm not lazy and that my "another day" will be very soon. XD

...

"You've changed."

Those two words broke my heart. I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry I'm not the best friend you remember. I wish everything would go back to normal, I really do.

It hurts to lie to you. It hurts to see you hurt by my actions.

I wish I could take it all back.

to be honest, i seriously hope that you were the one who wrote this. every word, every meaning behind it, i really wish it was you. because the moment i saw this, i thought of you. i close my eyes and i can see you. i still feel you, somehow. i guess it's one of those late-at-night emo moments again. i know i'm over this but i can't deny that there are times when it all comes rushing back. *sigh

holidays.

it's been one week since the exams ended. well, i've been going out for three days straight from last wednesday until friday. then i took a break during the weekend and went out again on monday. i think i've been going out way too much. gotta stay at home more often now. but then, it's the second day since i've stayed at home and i'm already very bored. well, i actually have things to do but then i'm like super lazy at the moment. lmao i'll list out some of the things that i'm supposed to do/plan to do this holidays:

1. clean my room

2. vacuum the floor (of my room XD)

3. iron clothes

4. watch drama online/tv

5. get myself a job

6. do totally nothing at all

7. take care of my skin

8. don't go under the sun/use sunblock every time i go out

9. play badminton

10. spend time with my sister

and so the above 10 things are currently in my to-do list. any suggestions on what i should add or remove from the list? cause i seriously don't know what other things i can do. lol and i think that the very first thing i'd do on my list is number six. HAHA. that's what i've been planning to do since before the exams. cause there was this period of time where i was like so busy rushing assignments everyday. i had to go school at 8am and go back by 5pm or sometimes later. i had to go school even on fridays(fyi i do not have classes on fridays). it was really tiring. i even had to wake up at 4am too just to get it done. so i was friggen busy and didn't have time to rest at all. so i told myself that this holidays, i have to find a few days to just lie in bed and do totally nothing for the entire day. just to compensate the restless days during the semester. HAHA.

but then, do you think three months is enough or too long for me to complete the above tasks? ughhh :\