it's the end of week 3. why is time going by so fast? another 11 more weeks and school's over? apuuuuuuu ~ mana boleh? can time just slow down or something? i think i've mentioned this before but i want 30 hours in a day! another extra six hours would make the day so much fun. i think. extra three hours of sleep and another extra three hours for school or just free time. but i wouldn't mind studying another extra three hours everyday if in return there would be 30 hours a day. i know you might be bored seeing me post this cause i'm sure that i've blogged about this not long ago. but this shows how much i want time to slow down. i'm like very desperate right now. :(

ever since the new semester started, i've been busy. not exactly 100% busy with school stuffs but with some personal things too. i hardly got time to blog or do anything else. except facebook since there's free access even when i'm not at home XD

still, i've been pretty messed up too lately. so much to think about, so much to worry, i'm really tired. my headache is getting worse too. :( projects and assignments are gonna start piling up soon and midterms, they're in a month. wth? i seriously do not get some of the units at all. sad sad.

but on the bright side, my tuition free week a.k.a. school holidays this time is on the same week as the primary and secondary school kids. that's right, it's on the week of Raya. oh and this year, i'll get to go visiting with my parents. rendang and curry, here i comeeeeeee :D HAHA. i've been craving for these things since so many months ago. too bad i don't have much malay friends. lol but tak apa, as long as i get to go visit few houses with my parents, i think that's enough. oh oh oh, i just remembered that few years back, my youngest aunt used to bring my family and my other aunts family up to KB to visit her husband's colleagues houses cause they got open house. the houses there are really very big. there was this one house, they even put canopies outside the house and invite chefs to cook for the visitors. then inside the house, they had like four living rooms. so four groups of people can go in at the same time and sit at four different places. there were cakes and stuff on the tables in each room. the place looks very high class too. but sad enough, we won't be visiting anymore cause my aunt has her own kids to look after(they're all really young. oldest one is only 5 years old) and it's hard to bring them around. besides, she's pregnant now too.

p/s: today is 七月十五。LOL i don't believe in this but i know most of you do, so yeah be careful when you go out k?

不要喝汽車裡留下的瓶裝水~乳癌 / dont drink bottled water left inside the car

警告全部女性[ 妻子，女兒，女朋友等等。 ]
Bottled water in your car is very dangerous to women
放在汽車裡的瓶裝水對女性是非常危險的事情 ﹗
This is how Sheryl Crow got breast cancer.
She was on the Ellen show and said this same exact thing.
This has been identified as the most common cause of the high levels in breast cancer, especially in Australia .
這就是謝莉 ‧ 克羅得乳腺癌的原因。 她在上艾倫的節目裡提到這是千真萬確的事情。這已經被鑑定是罹患乳腺癌裡的高危險因素中最常見的原因了，尤其是在澳洲地區。
A friend whose mother was recently diagnosed with breast cancer.
The Doctor told her: women should not drink bottled water that has been left in a car.
有位朋友的母親最近才被診斷出乳腺癌。 醫生告訴她︰婦女實在不應該喝留放在汽車裡的瓶裝水。
The doctor said that the heat and the plastic of the bottle have certain chemicals that can lead to breast cancer.
So please be careful and do not drink bottled water that has been left in a car and pass this on to all the women in your life.
This information is the kind we need to know and be aware of and it just might save a life.
這醫生還說熱能和塑膠瓶子兩者遇在一起就會產生化學物質 , 而那些將會導致人們罹患乳腺癌。因此請小心並且千萬不要喝留放在車子裡頭的瓶裝水 . 請把這信息傳遞給你生命中的所有女性親友。這是一則或許可以拯救一個生命的訊息 , 我們不只應該知道 , 而且要多加小心 .
The heat causes toxins from the plastic to leak into the water and they have found these toxins in breast tissue.
Use a stainless steel Canteen or a glass bottle when you can!
熱能釋放出塑膠裡的有毒物質後 , 這些物質就滲入到了水裡頭，而人們的胸部組織裡頭竟然就發現了這種毒素。所以如果可以的話，切記改用不鏽鋼杯或是玻璃瓶都好 ﹗
LET EVERYONE WHO HAS A WIFE / GIRLFRIEND / DAUGHTER KNOW PLEASE.
請用力傳給您的妻女 / 朋友知道吧！

dear you;

i realize that there is this person who often comes to my blog lately. idk why but every time i come to my blog, the first thing i'd do is to check feedjit to see who has visited and if that certain person ever comes. to my surprise, that person did. well, for the past week, he/she has visited more than twice. but i'm not sure if it's the same person, or different people or maybe he/she is not who i think it is at all. but whatever it is, if it really is that person, i think you know who you are, and if you're reading this post, i want to tell you that i miss you. it's already been so long and i kinda miss you a lot. ever since the past few messages that i've sent to you, i've been thinking a lot. i shouldn't be so selfish and immature anymore. i should have let this go long long time ago. and i guess i was holding on too tight. in case you didn't know, i hate changes. so the sudden change, i cannot cope with it at all. and i realize that i've changed since you left. for the better and the worse that is. it's like i've become stronger, i've learnt to not trust nobody, learnt to see that people are not how they always seem to be, that they want to be friends with you just because you're a benefit to them, that they will never be there when you need them, and i've learnt that disappointment is just a part of life and there will be lots of other people who will disappoint you just because you expect something better out of them, i'm ready for all this, but i'm still alone, still thinking a lot, still feeling down all the time, that the laughters in the morning mean nothing at all cause at the end of the day i'd still be crying. i might seem so high, so hyped up and laughing all the time, but somehow, it just isn't me. the sarcasticness, and everything else, i feel like a fake person. somehow i just feel that i'm only real when i'm feeling alone and thinking a lot. idk why, i know i'm weird but i guess i've been this way for a little too long. i guess you'll never know that seriously so much things have happened lately that i could collapse anytime. i might have some sudden huge emotional breakdown and who knows, i might never recover from that.

but still, thank you so much for letting me understand all this although i had to learn it the hard way. because if you i've started to look for hope over the internet and just recently, i found my new hope. GMH, LGMH and sixbillionsecrets. oh and tumblr and formspring too. without you and this painful lesson, i would never have found this page, found my hope and start helping other people who have it less/much worse than my current condition. frankly speaking/typing, if were to come across those sites few years back, i would've thought like "oh, what a cute site!" and that's it. like i wouldn't give a shit to whatever they wrote just because i had my happiness, i had all that i needed. but now, everything's gone. i'm losing hope and these things have helped me go through the past few months with not a forced smile, but a real smile. even though i'm still facing so much troubles, i can at least stand on my own two feet and struggling to get over each day with a smile and trying real hard to put the past behind me. people might think i'm fine but truth is, i'm not. i'm still facing problems and worries everyday, and guess what? my next big worry will be in two days. i'm still wondering how to face that problem on thursday. but like what i've said, whatever comes my way, i'll do it with a smile. even if there isn't any smile, i'd still do it no matter what. and i will be strong. so, thank you.

p/s: you should be proud that you've been such a big influence in my life. even though i still blame you sometimes for leaving me this way, i want to thank you too.

;

i checked my email last night and saw an email from someone with the subject as "saw you on GMH". honestly, my entire face lit up the moment i saw it. i was really glad that some person from a few oceans away would take the time to read my post and even bothered to email me. and in the past few days, i've also received a number of questions and stuff from my formspring. really happy about it too. and just now when i checked my email again, i saw that there are 13 new questions waiting for me in my formspring. my goodness, i was so overwhelmed. i know you must be thinking, "just a few questions and you're already that happy?". well, to be honest, i left my formspring page in all three sixbillionsecrets, GMH and LGMH websites cause i was really hoping that maybe someone who needed a friend or someone to talk to might see my post and come talk to me. i wanted to feel like i was needed, appreciated and i'd love to help people who are halfway across the globe and feeling lost. to be honest, i visit those three websites everyday reading the stories that people post and some of them are really similar to what i'm thinking and feeling. and i've seen people leaving their formspring accounts just so that people who needed help could talk to them and maybe, they could help them out. seeing these things and the random act of kindness of these people really touched me. i was so touched to the state that i've decided to do the same. even though i couldn't get help myself, i know how it feels to be sad, hopeless and i've gone through some of the things that those people are going through now. and i would really like to at least offer some help to these people so i left my formspring accounts in the three pages and waited for people to come to me. who knows, they really did. you know, that feeling i have right now is unexplainable. it is much more than just plain happiness, joy, content or whatever it is to describe happy. by doing this, it seems like i've somehow accomplished a very important mission. a mission to help other people. and it gives me a feeling of satisfaction. also, i'd want to thank those people who came to ask me questions and stuff. if you guys ever stumble upon my blog, i really want to thank you all for making my day, for turning that frown into a hugeass smile. and that's a real smile, not a fake one. knowing that i can be a help to you guys really makes me feel satisfied. people like you GMH :)

motivation

When someone tells you that you can't do something

Look around...

Consider all options

Then GO for it!

Use all the things God gave you!

Be creative!

In the end, you will succeed and prove them wrong!

Always remember, nothing is impossible if your heart is willing. :)

i'll be your friend ;)

everybody in this world needs someone to talk to, someone to confide in, someone to be their friend and if you're ever feeling down, hopeless, or have no more reasons to go on with life, talk to me. i can't promise to fix everything but i'll be there for you. just talk to me HERE. :))

this is life.

“As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You’ll have your heart broken and you’ll break others’ hearts. You’ll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you’ll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you’ve never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. You just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone’s hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don’t be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.”

Does God exist? (you have to read this!)

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed. As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation. They talked about so many things and various subjects. They eventually touched on the subject of God.

barber: I don't believe that God exists.

customer: Why do you say that?

barber: Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn’t exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can’t imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things

The customer thought for a moment, but didn’t respond because he didn’t want to start an argument. The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop. Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again.

customer: You know what? Barbers don't exist.

barber: How can you say that? I am here. I am a barber, and I just worked on you!

customer: No! Barbers don’t exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside.

barber: Ah, but barbers DO exist! That’s what happens when people do not come to me.

customer: Exactly! That’s the point! God, too, DOES exist! That’s what happens when people do not go to Him and don’t look to Him for help. That’s why there’s so much pain and suffering in the world.

this is a very interesting post. got it from someone's blog while i was blog-reading :)

something to think about: why do people always say that God isn't around in times of need when actually God never left us. truth is, we are the ones that always abandons God and the only times we seek for Him is when we are in trouble or sick. why can't people just talk to God on a daily basis like how you communicate with your friends and family? it's sad to see people drifting so far away from God that we are so drawn to the earthly temptations.

exception;

that one thing that i cannot live without is the internet. why? because that's how i use to contact my friends. yes, my friends are from different places around the world. not the ones that live in the same place as i do, or go to the same school as me. over the past year, i've found a few friends from other countries that i think i can't live without. seriously, if they were to disappear from the internet world, i think i'd die. LOL okay, so maybe i was exaggerating a little but then again, it's really true. if my friends in real life left, i don't think i would care that much. i know i know, i'm weird but who the hell cares? and speaking of this, i really really despise people who actually have friends but complain that they don't. i mean seriously, go jump off a building or something. if you already have friends, then don't always talk about being a loner or an emo. i hate it.

and in the past two years, i've learnt to build strong walls instead of bridges. i've been isolating my real self from the world for way too long. you know, i honestly think that just by looking at me, you will never believe that the oh so cheerful me on the outside is actually the totally opposite of who i really am. sometimes i tend to make life really hard for myself but i don't know. it's hard to control myself. especially when i talk a lot of crap and laugh like an idiot. i hate that about myself, i really do. how i wish i can just be quiet and not talk so much. i hate hiding the fact that i'm some miserable sad pathetic ass who's struggling with life and making things more complicated that it already is. and no, i'm no emo who wants to cut myself and die of suicide. it's just that life has been hard for me these two years and as you know, i'm a person who cannot accept sudden changes, cannot let go easily and moving on is one of the most difficult things for me to do.

but i'm trying to change. i mean, it's already been so long. i should move on long time ago. but seriously, as i've written before in a few of my old posts, i only had that one friend who was actually being a real friend and treating me like one. but sad enough, it's that same friend who had to leave me and now i'm on my own. i don't like being alone but loneliness has been on my side for way too long. i'm used to it but i don't really like it.

and last night, a friend of mine asked me this "what do you really want to hear from a friend?". well, i answered him "something that i'd really want to hear from a friend is - i'll always be there, no matter what happens. i'll always be with you and i'm not just saying that for the sake of making you happy and cause it sounds nice or touching - and that he/she really means what he/she is saying.".

after answering, then i realized that all i want from a friend is the feeling of security. i want to be sure that he/she who is my friend, will be there for me no matter the situation and will never leave me on my own. i guess i've been watching too much tv and i've always thought that friends are those who will stick with you through the good and the bad. but i was wrong. it was all too good to be true. i never had a friend like this and how much do i long for one. so two years back, i had this friend who was kinda like the one shown on tv but we were in two different countries.

but through it all, he was always there for me and those few months were like the happiest times of my life. and like i've said, that friend of mine left and since then, i never really believed in true friends anymore. the ones that i have, it seems like they only appear when you want to have fun, when they have problems and don't know how to solve it on their on, when they couldn't find any other friends so they come to find you, or when you become a benefit to them. but that is not what i look for in a friend. all these people are superficial. what i want is a real friend. someone with a sincere heart. and true enough, people like that do not exist anymore. well, maybe they do but they just don't appear in front of me.