bee.

so i just came back from my parents' room about 20 minutes ago and well, i feel sad. both my parents are already asleep and i was on the bed with my sister. she was talking to me and showing me some of the things she wrote/drew before. she kept those papers in an envelope under her pillow. so as she was showing me those things, i told her to be quick as i was tired already and seriously, i regret saying that. from the look of her face while talking to me, it suddenly hit me. my baby sister isn't gonna stay a baby forever. i know i may be busy with my own stuffs and everything, but that does not mean that i can neglect her all the time. i admit, i am very lazy to play with her sometimes but i never really thought anymore. i mean, she's gonna grow up one day. and when i finally have the time and energy to play with her, i doubt that she'll even have time for me anymore. i feel really really bad about it and well, i just really want to be a part of her childhood you know. in a good way that is. i've done many wrong things and i truly regret it now. and to be honest, if i were to be given another chance, i'd go back to when she was a baby and start over. i'd be the best sister anyone would ever ask for. but sad enough, i realize this ten years too late :(

growing up, i was always alone. i didn't have any other older sibling and the birth of my sister kinda made me really glad. but then, we're like nine years apart and there are barriers in between us you know. now that i'm in university, she's only in primary four. when she has school holidays, i need to study. and when it's time for my sem break, she'll be busy with school. i used to be able to see her either early in the morning and during lunch time cause i was in high school and the time and everything are the same as primary schools. but now, it's all so different. besides, i'm always so busy with my assignments and stuff, i sometimes come back in the evening. and really, i just hope that i can balance my time fairly. i have seriously bad time management and i need professional help! in addition to that, i'm extremely lazy and well, that's just really bad you know. HAIH