rest in peace, grandma

(5th August 2009)

so much have happened in the past few days that i dont even know where to begin.
well, i'll jst start from sunday, which is one day after my trip to Borneo Rainforest.
so yeah, we all(except daddy) woke up late so we(excluding daddy) went to Youth Mass.
in the evening, there was cell group and it was at my house.
after cell group, i wanted to watch tv as ive missed all 5 episodes of the drama im watching.
halfway through watching tv, the phone suddenly rang.
it was my aunt calling to inform us that my grandma's condition has worsened.
she had to use the oxygen thingy to breathe and was half unconscious.
mummy got really worried and my parents rushed to the hospital(at 10pm).
2 hours later they came back and told me grandma was kinda okay.
the next day mummy decided not to work to accompany grandma
and she said she'll sms me if anything happens to grandma.
who knew right after school i checked my phone and saw many unread messages
of which one of them was from mummy
and it wrote "Popo(grandma in chinese) already go to heaven".
i called her right away to confirm and to my despair it was true.
i couldnt believe and accept the fact that grandma is really gone forever.
frankly speaking, she wasnt my favourite grandma.
in my heart she wasnt that important, i never loved her whole-heartedly.
until monday, when i knew that i could never speak to her ever again
i felt guilty and i regretted.
when i was growing up, grandma did not play any important role in my life.
until these few years(mainly this year), i had to face her almost everyday.
i remembered the times when she followed us to church(somewhere around Mar-Apr '09)
as well as the open market/krokop market
and how i despised following her around the yucky place while waiting for her to buy food.
you know, i think it was because of how unfair daddy was treated
that had left a deplorable impression of her in my mind.
but despite all these, she has been a good mum/grandma/greatgrandma.

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so its been a week since grandma left us.
things havent changed much, yet.
in this one week we've all prayed hard for her.
the english(until today) + chinese(until wed) prayer group came everyday to pray for her as well.
today was our last prayer together at grandma's house.
guess what? auntie Rita came also
and she told us that everytime we prayed,
she would see visions of grandma.
and jst now everyone gathered in front of her to listen.
her vision was really interesting and
my aunt then told me that grandma might still be in purgatory now.
at least i can be sure that grandma is gonna be alright
and the Lord has been taking good care of her.
but im guessing that starting tmr,
everything will become different.
everybody will be going our own ways now.
and there'll hardly be anymore gathering on Chinese occasions.
*SIGH* if only i could turn back time,
i'd really wanna go back to the start of this year
when everything was good and grandma was still healthy.

this is the latest pic of grandma with her 11 children :)

ps, i miss you.