im trying hard to do this. but it seems like an impossible task for me :(

"... its about who came and never left your side"

do people like this still exist?

im gonna have my first presentation later. omg i feel so ~!@#$%^&* again D: wish me luck people. ah, i hope i dont give a bad first impression. :\

yes, this is who i am :)

i feel so ~!@#$%^&* right now. i had this awesome dream but why? why must he be there? ive already gotten over him. i mean i never even liked him, right? i just, i dont know. im really tired of all this. i dont wanna play this game anymore.

i think, this is one of the side effects for liking a non-real person for too long. what i mean is, you see my darling Joe, ive been soooo in love with him for almost 3 years now. so whats my reward for loving him for so long? nothing. because 1) we do not know each other 2) he doesnt even know i exist 3) we're from two totally different worlds 4) hes a celebrity 5) im a nobody.

how sad is that? ive been in love with a famous person for so long until i dont know how it feels to like someone real. and i think its also because in the past 2 days, my mum have been mentioning about going to that place. and hearing the name of the place gives me butterflies. gosh, i dont know whats happening to me. i keep thinking about it. and i dont know whether to be happy or sad. aaaaah, the flashback is starting again!

i love how my blog looks now. i think its because i changed the background to black. somehow, my blog has more feel now. before, its just plain white. too bright for me. i prefer darkness. okay, not "that" kinda darkness but still, i think dark suits me more. dont you think so? :)

boulevard of broken dreams.


did you know how much i wanted to see you? did you know that when my mum said she wanted to go there, i got so excited and tried to look my best before going? did you know that while i was there, my eyes couldnt stop looking around? did you know how much i missed the times at the pesta when you were there?

so many did you knows but in the end, i doubt that you'll ever know. somehow, i just cant seem to let go of the past. i really really really miss the past. not everything in the past but just that short period of time before chinese new year. in that short period, i learned to love life and say "life's good/im loving life". a thought that would never have crossed my mind, words that i would never speak. & before i end this post, this picture below is for you.




i hope you understand :]

should we suffer today as well?

i feel like sharing his pain.
all of a sudden i started thinking,
all the times ive been complaining about feeling helpless and that my life's messed up.
its all very true but then i thought,
what about Jesus? what about his sufferings?
honestly speaking, all my problems and troubles cannot be compared to his.
if i did, mine would only be a speck of dust, nothing more.
and then i thought again, what have i done in this 40 days of Lent.
one word, NOTHING.
i feel so disappointed with myself.
i remember on the 3rd week of lent,
i only realized that it was already lent.
and at that time i have told myself to pray and fast.
but did do it? heck no.
wth is wrong with me?
now im really very hopeless.
even a simple little thing like fasting and praying also i cant do.
im really not worthy to be called a Christian.
and the other day we watched Passion Of the Christ in church.
the last time i watched that movie was around 2-3 years ago,
so when i watched it again,
i started to think again.
Jesus had done so much for us yet we still continue to sin.
our Savior, He died on the cross for us, for all 6 billion of us.
if i ask, will you die on the cross just to free every single human on earth?
what will you say? what will your answer be?

Holy Thursday, the last supper

*sigh* :((